Seriously...I'm Kidding

The much-loved entertainer opens up about her personal life, her talk show, and joining the judges' table of American Idol.

Oh, hi. I′m so glad you decided to turn the book over. Inside you will find an assortment of wonderful things - words, pictures, advice, tidbits, morsels, shenanigans, and, in some copies, four hundred dollars cash. So you might want to buy a few.

I don′t have enough room on this back cover to tell you all the reasons why you should buy this book, but I can tell you this and it′s a guarantee: If you buy it, you will feel better, look better, be happier, grow taller, lose weight, get a promotion at work, have shinier hair, and fall madly, deeply in love.

As you probably know, this is normally where authors put nice quotes from fancy people praising their book. I′m a little uncomfortable with that. It feels like a gimmick to get people to buy it and I don′t believe in cheap tricks like that. Besides, I know you′re way too smart and beautiful to fall for that kind of stuff. Actually, I think you′re so wonderful I thought I would use this space to praise you. Yes, that′s right. You. Here are some of the nice things I have to say about you:

′That is a beautiful blouse you′re wearing. It goes so nicely with this book.′

Ellen DeGeneres

′I love the way you′re holding this book. It′s like you were born to buy it and hold it forever.′

Ellen DeGeneres

′You know what I love most about you? That we get each other. And also your eyes.′

Ellen DeGeneres